the shatter of earth's collapse
☂
Not that anyone will actually see this, but you might or might not have gotten the reference above...anyway. Please do note that this online journal has been fighting the battle of neglect and time, often on the losing end, and really does feel like some sort of blue elephant that one's got to keep somewhat alive. For the sake of tradition, I suppose.
(K) Yuan here.
linkage
blue birds flap fandoms + happiness + the lot where the ego centersit's all quite narcissistic, really.
Date: <$BlogDateHeaderDate$>
Time: 2:54 AM
Author:(potassium)
Permalink: isolation →
it's been a while and now.... university?
i've been sitting here for a few sleepless nights now (more of jetlag really) and clicking buttons and filling in forms and wondering is it all going to be worth it? am i taking a huge risk here?
Having been to London/UK.... i realised i would love to study there. or at least, spend time there. It's somewhere i've come to understand, through their history and their art and theatre and television - i would be excited if i were indeed studying there, spending 3 years of my life there. And yet.... my choices and desires don't match up with reality. In a way it ought not to - I have been having it too good. I guess it is time for me to start on a very different path, although I know that my internal direction remains the same. As cheesy as this sounds there will always be a part of me that lights up in a theatre, that connects immediately to this art form, this thing that can be so powerful and so absolutely beautiful. And I know I am capable of making beautiful theatre - one day, somehow, some where - and I am going to do it. I know it. Few things are certain in life right now (especially now) but I am certain of how I will return to/belong/be in theatre, in art. As certain as I am of me eventually dying, in fact.
For now, I have a bit of growing up to do. Whether Canada is a right choice or a good place for me to be at is... well, something I have yet to discover. Another thing is that I won't be having the luxuary of time anymore. I could personally very well carry on with my gap year - i'd be glad to, and i do have plans for it - but right now it does seem like an expense not worth spending, especially to my financial benfactors who have already very kindly agreed to this very expensive overseas education endeavour.
i must admit. i am not as excited about canada as i was when i envisioned "plan B". or as excited as I would be for UK. but never the less, I must learn. I am learning what "privilege" means and it makes me uneasy yet it has given me those comforts.... comforts that have sheltered my view. I am grateful to my parents who have worked to get us all here, but I cannot help wishing that I'd stop resenting how much I don't know because of it. Or... let's face it, how i get snubbed over it. Class is the unspoken word and I'd very much like to speak about it but if only I didn't sound like an absolute cock when i do.
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