the shatter of earth's collapse
☂
Not that anyone will actually see this, but you might or might not have gotten the reference above...anyway. Please do note that this online journal has been fighting the battle of neglect and time, often on the losing end, and really does feel like some sort of blue elephant that one's got to keep somewhat alive. For the sake of tradition, I suppose.
(K) Yuan here.
linkage
blue birds flap fandoms + happiness + the lot where the ego centersit's all quite narcissistic, really.
Date: <$BlogDateHeaderDate$>
Time: 4:27 PM
Author:(potassium)
Permalink: isolation →
reach for the sky and roots to the sea;
Heyhooo~
I dont wanna go to school tomorrow, i really don't. I don't want to face the fact that i would have to go home alone again, if i took the MRT, or the fact that i hang out with San's group but am not part of it. I can't stand the word clique. I cant stand myself for not taking rejections lightly. I cant stand the thought of going back to school, day after day, having this uneasy knot in my stomach, having to run to catch up with people. I hate it that while i MSN Odu or Saj or an Anthonian, i feel happier, but i know it wouldnt last, cos a few hours later i am reminded that i have to go back to school. I hate it that whenever i realised i lost myself into a book, the bubble would pop and i'd come back into reality again. I feel constantly snubbed, though Dhandos tries to help. I,I,I, it's all "I"s, and i hate myself for that. I dont want anyone else to feel responsible for my feelings, and i dont want anyone hurt.
I would say that it had been coming, that PBR blew it up and now here it is, but in truth i dont know. Maybe now's a moment of weakness, that later it'd be better. Maybe what today was just reality, the TRUTH. The whole truth. That once again, i might have to scream "friend-snatcher". P4 was quite enough. I really dont know how i would handle it this time.
I guess this is what it means to be "friend-centered". Gawsh, i feel so screwed. I dont want to make anyone choose sides, maybe's cos i'm afraid PBR's would be bigger, but i do know this is not to the point of an ultimatum. I don't want to make my friends choose sides, if they didn't mind PBR in the first place, or if they are quiet close to her, like Lex.
I dont think they've ever felt this hurt before, i guess thats why they're causing it. Or it's me. I care too much. I take too many things for granted. Especially lex. Ahhhh GAH. I'm just too emotional or sth. At this point, Penguin&Co. seems inviting. I MISS SAPS WHY CANT WE RE ENROLL AND SIT IN THE HALL AND LET THE OWL SCREAM AT US FOR BEING QUIET LALALALA.
Better go study science now. I'll need it for tmw.
Cheers!
KJ!*/exprexionsofjoy
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